Long winter, latent spring

As I write this, it is nearly the middle of May, and yet the trees have yet to fully leaf out. Although the weeds in my flower beds have burst forth ferociously, there is still little evidence of any perennials growing, or tulips flowering.

While driving home today, the sun made its appearance  known through the windshield of my car.  I was amazed at how quickly my mood lifted in response to this seemingly rare solar display.
We are hearty people; we Northerner's.  We endure long, cold, snowy winters that last typically half of the year.  Spring is just a misty fantasy to most of us and even by late April, spring has rarely sprung in this part of the world. Though we can enjoy very hot, dry and sunny summers, we are equally susceptible to snow in late May.

Those of you in warmer climates may be asking yourselves why it is that anyone would want to exist in a part of the world with what often seems to have only two seasons-- winter and damn it's cold,(snowy, rainy, sleeting--insert your own climatic misery) now.  I have thought about this at great length this year.  I have made a new hobby of scouting real estate online to more temperate parts of this country and have even made a few inquiries of foreign locales.  I have lain awake many nights,shivering under my duvet and cursing our stupidity for choosing to set down roots in such an unforgiving climate.
But you see, this is the thing that I continue to come back to--the roots.  The roots that my parents placed down nearly 40 years ago in the hope of finding greater opportunity than the places of their birth offered.  These are the roots,( although half of the year they may be covered in  permafrost) that are a part of who  I am and who my children are becoming.  What remains of my extended family are all living the dream, right along side of me, and although we don't get together as often as we would like, there is a certain comfort in knowing that they are all just a short drive away from my home. 

There has been some talk lately at the rare family gathering about vacation homes in warmer places, time shares, apartments close to the beach, vacation clubs.  One of my family members brought that dream to fruition for herself recently by purchasing a studio apartment just steps from the beach in Hawaii.
We joked a little amongst ourselves about crashing her apartment, showing up on her new doorstep with only bikinis and Coronas in hand.  She laughed a little at our jest--but it is guaranteed that roots or no, she'll not be hosting the next family reunion in  paradise.   

And so it begins...

This blog is for me.  I have been meaning to write a blog for a long time now.  I have encouraged many of my friends and even my sister to start blogging, but have delayed my own entrance into the world of public diary keeping. 

You see, I love blogs, memoirs, documentaries and the like.  I have often found much comfort in others words, and experiences and even though at this point I am not sure what it is that I have to offer in this blogging arena; I know for certain that I need to write.

I have avoided coming to this place of writing for years.  I have made many excuses for myself, many of which are quite valid.  I have four children, one of whom is autistic. I can always find a reason to busy myself with housework, homework, and the care of children.  It is however becoming increasingly difficult to find within a multitude of family  responsibilities, time for me.  I am starting to realize that life will not slow down to an acceptable pace. Time continues to pass, all the while I feel as though I am still standing at the starting line of a race indeterminate in length.The horizon of life stretches out before me and within it I see only the possibilities of my own making .  If life is what you make it, then I have spent far too much time worrying about clean floors, tidy rooms, sparkly toilets and reasonably polished children--sometimes unfortunately in that order.

Last week as I was driving out of town to attend a gala event in which my grandmother is an organizer, I happened to tune into a feature that the CBC news program, The Current  was playing.  The gentleman being interviewed had just finished writing a book in support of the argument that couples should consider having larger families.   Bryan Caplan is actually an economist, and is a professor at, George Mason University.  His book is based on research somewhat related to the whole , "nature vs nurture" theory-- or as he calls it the "short run vs long run effect."
The research that he employed in writing his book mostly involved utilizing twins and adopted children to determine the actual effect that parents have on their children long term.  The gist of the interview,  (I have yet to read the book) was that parents in our culture spend far too much time worrying about how our actions, ( or lack thereof  )will effect our children's long term development.  The interview was actually quite eye opening and is worth a listen;

http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/episode/2011/05/06/selfish-reasons-to-have-more-kids-bryan-caplan/

I suppose once the interview was over, I had an abundance of food for thought.  How much time do I really spend shaping my children's lives?  Do I waste time driving around the city like a crazy person carting children off to better schools,  activities, lessons and the like  that could be better spent in development of increasing my own happiness; thus trickling down to impact on my children's contentment?    Am I merely a guide, guardian; a distant observer of my children's genetically predetermined development?
I must say that listening to Mr. Caplan brought me a strange sense of peace, that as a mother I rarely get to experience----you mean that it isn't always all my fault???

How liberating, Reaganomics as a parenting style......